Noodles' journal

I read somewhere that being in love is for weak people and insecure people that want conformation that they are worthwhile. That you can never be sure of your relationship; your partner’s love and fidelity. It is pathetic and useless and you might as well spend your life being alone. Much more productive. Then you do not waste time on the phone having conversations such as the following; “You hang up!” “No YOU hang up!” “Aww, cutie, you know I can’t!” “Well I can’t either! Teehee!”.

I guess the writer had a point there. You could also spend those minutes doing something so much more useful. For example saving your fish from the green mess in which they have been swimming for weeks. Clean your room. Help your mother. Save the world.

Though, personally I would rather have the eternal discussion about who loves the other more, than cleaning my icky fish tank.

Still, I think it is true that part of being in love is being insecure. You never know what might happen or how you or your partner (I hate that word) might change. Forever might be three weeks. Three years. Three decades. Or really forever.

Part of being in love is also being dependant. And the latter is something that I personally really have had to get used to. In my dictionary it was a negative word. It was bad. Being dependant is for silly, weak people. It’s pathetic to be dependant. Or, is it?

After some time I started to realize that in a way it is also something to be proud of. I have someone that I can be dependant of and who is always there to help me whenever I feel like I need it. He is there for me to lean on and for support. And that is great. No matter how independent you are, you will one day need help. You cannot make it on your all own. So in stead of cursing at myself for being dependant of someone, I should feel lucky that I have that someone. It only really starts to become a problem when you lose that one person. At that time you realize how dependant you actually are, and how much you preferred it over being independent, as you will have to become again at that point.

So yes, of course it is a little scary. Both words are scary words in our minds so both naturally frighten us. Dependency. Insecurity. The person that reads this where no alarm-bells start ringing in the back of it’s head, is a very special and extremely rare person.

I think being alone is a lot scarier than being together. Being alone is especially scary after having been with someone for a long time. So, I prefer being together. And I like to think that that little bit of fear is also what makes love love. It is what makes being in love feel like it does. And I love it.

Naar een plek voor mij nog onbekend

De zon verlicht mijn pad

Naar die plek waar jij bent

Het water neemt me mee

Naar een plek ver weg maar fijn

De aarde draagt me

Naar die plek waar we samen kunnen zijn

Om te zorgen dat ik kom

Waar ik hoor te verblijven

In jou armen is mijn plek

Daar wil ik blijven

Ik hou van jou, love you,

Liebe dich, je t’aime.

Maakt niet uit how I say it,

Ich weiss ich liebe toi-même.

Jij bent de only one for me,

Bei dir je veux rester.

Voor eeuwig and always,

Nicht ein peux-tu remplacer.

De grappigste, most sweet,

Die schönste et le plus gentil.

Met jou I want to live,

Zusammen dans un petite ville.

Met een hond, een vis or a cat,

Es is mir egal quand je suis avec toi.

Dus ik hoop with whole my heart,

Das du auch toujours aimeras moi.

© Noes

I am sorry but; I am not sorry at all.

Have you ever noticed after you have had a fight or an argument with someone that it usually ends with them (or even you) saying “I am sorry but…” . I am sorry but I just think you were being unfair. I am sorry but you should not have said that. I am sorry but whatever. Well, I am sorry but I just think that is absolutely ridiculous. There, see? I said it myself, and did it seem like an honest apology?

I think not.

“I am sorry but…”  means “I am not sorry at all, I am just pretending I am apologizing to you so I can feel better about myself secretly, thinking I was right and you were wrong so I am really actually blaming you for what happened before.”  That is not actually apologizing is it? The word blaming is an antonym of  the word apologizing, and with good reason.

An apology is a written or spoken expression of one's regret, remorse, or sorrow for having insulted, failed, injured, or wronged another. So, you apologize if you regret something. Blaming someone else for something that has happened, which you do by saying “I am sorry but…” after arguments or fights, is not an apology. You are simply not really sorry at all. 

Have you ever had someone, who you felt had wronged you, tell you he or she was sorry… but…? When you did, did you actually feel that person was sincerely apologizing to you? I highly doubt it. I was told by a person she was sorry… but… today, and I have to admit it kind of pissed me off really. It is unfair in a way. It means the other person actually thinks you are as stupid as he or she looks, and that you will think he or she is apologizing to you. Rather insulting if you ask me.

Next time, if you have had a fight, and you think it was all the other person’s fault, then just do not even try to apologize. That would be lying. If you do really feel sorry for something you said or did, well, I am sorry but I think it would be mean to then say “I am sorry but…”

I sure am enjoying my new camera! (^^,) Ánd Adobe Photoshop! 

I've been experimenting a bit, as you can probably tell.

For more pictures: See http://noezzer.deviantart.com

Weee! ^___^ It's my birthday today! And it's been great so far, for a change, which is great! :D

Yes, I screwed up @ the maths test, but my presentation went good. (^^,) 

I'm 17 now. Yay? :P Doesn't realleh feel different yet... 18, that'll be interesting; then I could become part of traffic, in a car, (legally), and I could become part of Dutch politics with my, of course very important, vote! :D Goodie! :P

I got the most awesome and cute and sweet and amazing present(s) I've ever gotten today, seriously. It was from Stef. I received it a week ago or some, and it's been hard to wait with opening it till today :P Buuut I managed to anyway! And it sure was worth it... Mmm ^___^ Thanks again Stef, if you read this! (^^,)

I also got a camera from my parents, which is a dream that came true! Now I have my own cam, and it takes pretty darn good pics too! :D 

/kisses

Noodles

And yes;

I believe in love, 
and I know that you do too
And I believe in some kind of path,
that we can walk down, 
me and you.

(^^,)

I think it went pretty good, at least for a first time! ^.^ I finished the project now!

Some of the results:

  

  



They had to be B&W for school... & and about luuuuuv!

Whaddoyathink? 

/kisses

Noodles

Heeeelleu!

I finally have some time to write here! ^^ Yes, It'd be better to spend this time on doing homework, buuuut, nah... I'll have a photoshoot with my brother&his gf in a while, for school. I wonder how it'll turn out! But they're not here yet, so, I indeed do have some time!

My 1,5 week in Denmark were absolutely amazing. I had some silly worries before leaving, but those turned out to have been ridiculous to even think about. As always. So, I had an awesome time with Stef. 

Wanna see the pics? Click here: http://noezzie.spaces.live.com oooor http://noezzer.deviantart.com ! ^___^

Thursday, the day I arrived, we went to drop my stuff off at his place, have some lunch (Danish brown bread is actually kinda yum ^^) aaand then we biked to a park.. Where we just chilled ^^ It felt so good to be with him again... The weather also was really nice! 

Friday we went to the zoo and later that day his dad picked us up to go to his parents' place for the weekend. 

We stayed there till sunday evening. It was really cool there too! A very beautiful place! From there we've been to his old school, some forests and just hung around ^^ Lovely. Also played some pool, and I owned him, big time! Heehee! :D 

Monday, back in Cph, he had to go to school for a while, so I just hung around a bit and when he came back we went for a walk outside. 

Tuesday we went to a museum! It was awesome, spent quite some time there and we've seen lots of weird and cool stuff there! Also had yummy Orange Knas Chocolate Coffee after! 

Wednesday we went to Helsingør, a town from where you could see Sweden! Also had lots of fun there ^^ Went to a castle, which was very beautiful and we've even been in to the 'case mates'. :P I got scared there, buuut I survived! 0:D 

Thursday we went in to town, looked around a bit and had ice cream.. Yummeh! 

Friday we chilled in a park again, the weather was really really nice, still! 

Saturday we went to a 'Glyptotek', or something like it :P, also a museum where they had lots of really old art! Greek & Egyptian etc. Was really cool to see Egyptian art from more than 3000 B.C. O.o After that we had dinner @ Burgerking! (Not Burgerkinky) Yummeh! :D We spent most evenings watching mythbusters, movies (The Matrix, The 6th sense, Signs, Siam Sunset, Unbreakable, George of the jungle :D) & just chilling and talking... Mmm!

Aaand after that, sunday was there again... Bah... I had to go back. Sucked big time. I wanted to stay. (-_-) But ohwell... 

I will probably see him again in a week or 5-6, when we have our summer vacation. The last one week flew by, even though I've missed him a LOT... I'll just hope the coming weeks will go by so fast too... I really can't wait to see him again. ^___^ I'm in loooooooooooooooove! Yippee! ^___^

I don't think I've ever been so happy as I am when I am with him. (:

/kisses

Noodles

I've got an exam for maths tomorrow. Aaand since I'm not good at maths in general, I'm kinda nervous. I hadn't really studied much yet; and paying attention in class never pays off either with the teacher we have; so I started studying early today. After a while I decided to make the "test" in the book to see if I understood everything. And I was able to make and understand 9 out of 10 excersises. (O.o)

That should put me at ease and make me confident about it. But noooo... I'm just as nervous. (-_-) I don't understand how I can seem to understand it, if you understand. It seemed too easy. It never is easy! I must've missed something. 

Ohwell. I will just see how I'll do at the exam tomorrow. I hope I'll be lucky and make the exam as good as I made the test in the book. That'd be pretty cool! :D

/kisses 

Noodles

Mmmm... I miss you Stef! A lot! <3

I've been wanting to write here ever since yesterday now, but I didn't really know where to start. Still don't. But, I'll just start anyway!

As I've told before, Stefan arrived here in Holland on March 30th, and he stayed here till yesterday. I've had such a wonderful time with him. Really, it was great. It probably was the best 1,5 week I've ever had. I'm in love. Head over heels. Heehee! ^___^

Aaaand that's awesome, of course. Buuuut because of that, the fact that he had to leave again yesterday sucked... Sucked big time. After he left, I felt preeetty damn lonely. Still kinda do. Going to bed alone again sucked too. And waking up alone again even sucked more after 10 days of waking up together.

I know I should just be happy I've found him, that he´s spent 1,5 week with me without going (really) mad and that we had SO much fun, and I ÁM, I really am. ^__^ But; the sadness about the fact that he's left again is also still there. And the worries about when I'll be able to see him again are too. I really miss him... 

But we'll figure something out. All will be okay. We've had a great 1,5 week and have many more to come I think!

Though, now it's back to reality, back to normal everyday life again. I've had exam week; where we of course didn't have much classes. Then I went to Berlin for a week, which was absoluuuutely awesome btw (I'll post pics later) aaaand then I spent time with Stef & didn't do all that much at school. It's hard to have to go back to school again now and actually concentrate, study and do homework. Back to the real life! Yippeeh!

Meh. 

Ohwell!

Here are some pictures of the last 1,5 week!

And for a moment she just stood there. Just being, aware of every breath she took. In the middle of all those people, all this chaos around her, all these colours, all this motion, she felt alone. All these people, just living their lives. People in a hurry, running to where they thought they had to be, people walking hand in hand, people talking, people laughing, people that were silent, people that were walking towards their goal and people that were just walking, with no goal at all. She wondered about those people and how their lives would be... Then her thoughts went back to herself. She was one of all those people, but... Like which one of them was she? She wasn't walking, she stood still. With no idea where she came from, where she was and where she had to go or which way to turn next. She looked up at the sky and for a moment it seemed like she could just look past the clouds. She wondered about life and the questions it brought with it. Why didn't she have any answers? Each time she thought she figured something out, new questions would come. It never stopped. Would she ever find more answers? Would she ever learn? Would people learn? Learn from the choices they had made in the past? Learn from the mistakes they had made? Would people grow? Would people change? Would she? Or would everyone just keep going, continuing just how they were? Do we have a goal? Did she have one? If she did, why didn't she know what it was? Again, all these questions that remained unanswered. She thought back about her life and how it had been so far, and she wondered what still was there to come. What did the future have for her? Then someone bumped in to her and she looked away from the sky. She noticed some people standing next to her, looking at the sky, wondering what it was she'd been looking at. Then they looked at her, confused and puzzled. She wondered how long she'd been standing there, just staring to nothing, occupied with her own thoughts. She took a quick look at all the people, and she giggled quietly. The people really thought there was something to see up there, just because she had been looking up. Strange... Then she continued walking, leaving the puzzled people behind.

For now, she had a goal; home.

Okay, now I'm really getting sick of this being sick. Bah. The coughing just got worse, at least it hurts more when I do. I still have a headache aaand my neck's really really stiff too today. (Stef... I could really use you right now :P) Argh (>_<) I'm gonna crawl back to the couch with my blanket and hope I'll feel better soon... (-_-) I don't really mind not going to school for a few days, but I can't stay away for too long :S So I'd better feel better soon. And I hope someone will be home soon too...

/kisses

Noodles