Noodles' journal - This is love.

I read somewhere that being in love is for weak people and insecure people that want conformation that they are worthwhile. That you can never be sure of your relationship; your partner’s love and fidelity. It is pathetic and useless and you might as well spend your life being alone. Much more productive. Then you do not waste time on the phone having conversations such as the following; “You hang up!” “No YOU hang up!” “Aww, cutie, you know I can’t!” “Well I can’t either! Teehee!”.

I guess the writer had a point there. You could also spend those minutes doing something so much more useful. For example saving your fish from the green mess in which they have been swimming for weeks. Clean your room. Help your mother. Save the world.

Though, personally I would rather have the eternal discussion about who loves the other more, than cleaning my icky fish tank.

Still, I think it is true that part of being in love is being insecure. You never know what might happen or how you or your partner (I hate that word) might change. Forever might be three weeks. Three years. Three decades. Or really forever.

Part of being in love is also being dependant. And the latter is something that I personally really have had to get used to. In my dictionary it was a negative word. It was bad. Being dependant is for silly, weak people. It’s pathetic to be dependant. Or, is it?

After some time I started to realize that in a way it is also something to be proud of. I have someone that I can be dependant of and who is always there to help me whenever I feel like I need it. He is there for me to lean on and for support. And that is great. No matter how independent you are, you will one day need help. You cannot make it on your all own. So in stead of cursing at myself for being dependant of someone, I should feel lucky that I have that someone. It only really starts to become a problem when you lose that one person. At that time you realize how dependant you actually are, and how much you preferred it over being independent, as you will have to become again at that point.

So yes, of course it is a little scary. Both words are scary words in our minds so both naturally frighten us. Dependency. Insecurity. The person that reads this where no alarm-bells start ringing in the back of it’s head, is a very special and extremely rare person.

I think being alone is a lot scarier than being together. Being alone is especially scary after having been with someone for a long time. So, I prefer being together. And I like to think that that little bit of fear is also what makes love love. It is what makes being in love feel like it does. And I love it.